I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
