Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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