what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
