sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize