Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
