Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
