he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
try to milk me bitch
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