Will you blow on my dice?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
