can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
