Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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