He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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