Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
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