every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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