You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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