you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
