Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
