like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
