I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Of course I have a pirate flag
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
