i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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