I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
did i walk over a car last night?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
