Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
