last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
