Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
