I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
