ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
