If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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