i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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