Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
