Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just found a bag of teeth...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
