not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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