I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
