you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
