Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
