watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize