We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
