Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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