I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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