$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
