You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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