we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
