Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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