i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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