4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
