smell my finger.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
