So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
