chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Still dying that you shit outside
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
