he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
