foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
