I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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