I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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