If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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