on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
