Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You ruined the universe
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
