I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
