I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
