Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
