3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
one two three fourrrrnication!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
