Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
