Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
