I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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