So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
