i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
