when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Your penis caused this!
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