The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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