suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
