The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
