I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
