Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I am one with the molecules
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize