Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
