I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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